Online shopping is one of the comforts of modern life. A new book, a CD, dress or shirt is only a few clicks away. You do not need to drive to town, avoid a traffic jam, find a parking spot and fight your way through crowds of talkative people, who decide to catch up on things in the middle of the sidewalk. Only to find the object you want is sold out. Or not available at all. Even the shipping costs are covered by the parking fee. A win-win situation!
Unless…
For years I have been buying books at BOL.com, a Dutch online store. Sponsoring them! Their service is excellent, swift, reliable and they have a wide variety of books, games and music. If you order current books before 9.30 pm, they will be delivered the next day. Seems almost like magic. And I would recommend BOL.com to anyone, if not for Billie.
Billie is a merry looking chap in a blue suit. He is in a winning mood. This man is always ready to talk to you, even in the middle of the night. His manners are impeccable, he is polite and will never raise his voice. I, on the other hand will – loudly – for Billie drives me absolutely NUTS. I would like you to meet Billie, the chatbot.
He looks like a real friendly fellow eh? Well, looks can be deceiving. Some months ago BOL.com had a special offer: order three ebooks for the price of two. And my Sony was eager for food. I found some interesting titles and placed my order. Click click click, YES, onwards to download! Two ebooks snuggled with my ereader, but the third one halted. Seems it was not ready for its new home. Within ten minutes I received a mail, telling me the book was not available. Well damn, I had already paid for it! Or was this the ‘free’ book and did I have to pay full price for the two books anyway? That was indeed a special offer!
In search of the Customer Service on the BOL.com site, I stumbled upon mr. Billie. Just type your question and Billie will reply. Indeed, he did.
Billie says: Welcome, I’m BOL.com’s virtual assistant. How can I help you?
Hello Billie, I ordered an ebook, paid for it, and suddenly the book is not available anymore? What happened?
Almost immediately he replied.
Billie says: Could you rephrase your question please? How can I help you?
Alright. Apparently that had been too much information in one sentence. I hit the brakes and start anew.
It’s about ebooks. A specific title is unavailable and I have already paid for it.
Billy says: Would you like to order a book?
A light irritation blossomed.
No. Book has been ordered. Not available. Want money back!
Billy says: How can I help you?
Moderate irritation.
Now listen to me, I want to speak to a HUMAN damn it!
Billie says: Could you rephrase your question please? How can I help you?
Zen. Yin Yang. Failure!
After a while, all I typed was ‘Aaaaaaaaargh’, ‘$hH873*^$%(*^$&()&’ and ‘Stupid thing SHUT UPPPPPP’… until suddenly, out of the blue, Billie said
Would you like me to e-mail the Customer Service for you?
Quiet. Then ‘YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS’ as my answer, after which Billie said ‘Could you rephrase your question please? How can I help you?’ Big sigh. After giving my personal data, I could finally compose a (limited) message. Next day Customer Service e-mailed me, suggesting I should contact them in stead of Billie. That Billie was not meant for complicated questions. NO KIDDING!
Everything was tip top after that: apologies, money refund and even a small voucher as compensation. I immediately ordered a new e-book of course.
The next order failed again. A spontaneous present for my friend Suzan: Sara Bareilles’ CD Kaleidoscope Heart. Item – check; different delivery address – check; text – check; blue gift paper – hand wrapped by Billie 😉 – check; payment through Ideal – check; back to site for confirmation – … … … no check at all. The screen would no refresh. I waited ten minutes and then visited the BOL.com site. And there the CD was, neat and snug in my Shopping Cart?! Another ten minutes of F5’ing later I got pissed and fired up good old Billie to my Gmail to contact the Customer Service directly. No no no Billie, not a second time! I explained the situation in my e-mail and hit send. And received an automatic confirmation my original order had been received. Argh. My e-mail had been unnecessary: all was OK.
Four days later and still I had not heard from Suzan. And that was strange, because I was sure she would call me immediately upon receiving the surprise CD. Perhaps she didn’t like Sara Bareilles… I sent a text message.
And sweetie? Very curious! What do you think of Sara Bareilles? I loved to share this CD with you, bought it myself too. Am at Chinese take-away, just finished work.
Hi Mar. Have it myself too. Like it. Bon Appetit. Hugs.
Eeeeeeeeh???
ROFL you’d better yes, for I have sent you this CD as a surprise birthday present!
Ring ring, Suzan on the phone, who told me she had not received anything, plus she already had Kaleidoscope! Aaaargh.
Customer Service was delighted to hear from me again. Another mail – somewhat longer this time – to tell BOL.com everything that had happened. And again a great and quick reaction: the money would be refunded, plus Free Shipping for my next order.
Let’s hope this series of bad luck is over, so I can look forward to years of happy book and CD ordering again. BOL.com, it is truly fine to be online, as long as you stay out of Billie’s hair 😉
Already posted @ Doldriest in Dutch.
Six Word Saturday:
The candle was a lone survivor in a pool of wax, flame dancing in harmony with the hearth’s living fire. My feet hesitantly found their way towards the couch which was begging for company. Cradled in leather, my shivering gradually slowed, then stopped. I felt the room breath again and shift its perception towards me. All of my senses opened up as I reached out my arms to the ghosts of my ancestors…
Figments of a DuTchess 