If you were my girlfriend, you would be wearing braces!

This afternoon it was time for my six-monthly visit to the dentist. Do you still remember Rob, my dentist? I wrote about him in Dentist, plus mentioned him in Spotlight: Marion Driessen. Nice guy, wrong profession but nice guy.

What a special day it was to lie in the ‘royal’ chair, although I didn’t know that yet when I marched up to the little white building. Rob opened the door for me – not because he saw me coming, but because he had to step into the master house for a minute – pure coincidence, but of course I thanked him for this unexpected and special courtesy ;). Seated in the waiting room, I absently watched the TV and then rubbed my eyes. Did I really see a shiny carriage, pulled by ten magnificent horses (give or take a few)? Then it dawned on me: it was Prinsjesdag! Every third Tuesday of September, the Golden Coach of our Royal Family makes a tour through The Hague, polished to such a shine that it will blind all spectators into a respectful bow. It really is a charming tradition where lots of very excited children are attending. They will wave and the Queen will wave back. Earlier on Queen Beatrix had given the Speech from the Throne, which  sets out the main features of government policy for the coming parliamentary session.

In the dentist’s room another TV was on, and again the Golden Coach came into view. As usual I talked to Rob about everything that came to mind, including the post I wrote about him. He needed a bit of enlightenment on the subject:

Quote from Spotlight: Marion Driessen: Determined to make this appointment as uneventful as possible, I asked the dentist in my most courageous voice if he could please hang “his little suction thingie in my mouth”. The guy stared at me, baffled… then his eyes started twinkling, after which he roared with laughter. Stupefied I stared up at him from my lying position and then it dawned on me. I screamed “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo, not THAT, I mean the blue instrument!!!”.

But then it dawned on him and the grinning started anew. Gosh, I wrote about him on my website? Aye! His assistant – I met her for the first time today – was listening with big eyes and nimbly handed him the tools he needed to investigate the insides of my suddenly hushed up mouth. In the background the Royal Family had stepped out of the carriage and onto the balcony, at least that’s what the pair-in-white told me. I couldn’t see anything except a big lamp hovering above my head.

Several dental instruments made their non-royal tour through the landscape of my teeth, while he made comments on the Royal Performance. By this time he advised me to close my eyes, since he was white polishing with a vengeance. Suddenly he looked up and said ‘I know a good subject for your website!’. Grey eyes stared up at him. ‘You do? Interesting, do tell me please!’. More chuckling and then the phrase came out: ‘If you were my girlfriend, you would be wearing braces!‘. For years he’s been bugging me about braces. My teeth are a bit irregular in places and to set them straight he will have to pull out parts of my precious biting equipment to make room, and do other stuff that I don’t even want to think about. That would really be the ultimate gagging experience on voluntary basis, so NO THANK YOU! I kindly thanked him for the suggestion and gladly took this subject up for writing, but told him that he wouldn’t survive the real deal. And I wouldn’t either! With these words I crawled out of the chair, safe for another half year.

These days a lot of children are wearing braces; in fact one out of two kids I encounter has them! What is your opinion on this subject? Do they really need these corrective metal devices or is it for cosmetic reasons most of the time? I for one will not get them. I can chew my food, my teeth are not all over the place when I laugh and I don’t drool. Of course I would love to have a toothpaste commercial smile, but I just don’t dare. Yes, I’m a big baby. Big Baby Brace-less Dutchess.