WordPress has sent this post tickle today: Write about something you used to believe, but don’t anymore. What changed?
For a long time now I have lost my faith, my conviction that good will always prevail over bad.
Things have happened, big and small. Tsunamis that wipe hundreds, thousands of innocent people from the face of the earth. Earthquakes trapping victims underneath tons of debris. Good people who become incurably ill. Friends who lose their darling little angel of 2,5 years old to liver cancer. My sweet sister losing her unborn daughter years ago while she was eager to live. One day, ONE day earlier and she would have been a healthy child. A female student of our university who was killed in a car crash this weekend, hit by a drunk driver and dragged along for 60 meters. He took off without a scratch, parked his car a couple of streets further and tried to escape. One of our own students losing her dad two years ago, and this week her mother. A co-worker who fought bravely against cancer, was declared healthy and now is in grave danger again. Yes, you could say I lost my faith that good will prevail.
Why would God, if there is a God, let this happen? Of course people have to fight for the quality of their lives, to get somewhere. Nothings comes for free does it? But why the little ones? They haven’t even had the time to do something wrong, they never got the chance. Why did this young girl have to die in such a horrible way, concentrating on her study, finding her way in life, in love. Standing on her own. To be destroyed in the blink of an eye. Why are three children growing up without parents now, the care of her younger brother and sister weighing heavily on the shoulders of our student. Why is that? Are these children bad? Were their parents bad? It is all so very unfair. I would love and I hope that there is a God who is keeping watch over us. But I do not believe this to be true.
Still all of this did not destroy my strong belief that it is good to do good, to be positive whenever you can. To see every little ray of sun. To treasure the little things in life. To take the time to appreciate what you’ve got in stead of longing for things that are not yours. To admire courage and beauty. To greet each day with a smile, chin up and simply go for it. To be thankful for love, family and friends. And to share and spread joy. I believe in the goodness of many people. That there is more to this world than the eye can see. That there are guardian angels, souls of our beloved deceased who are keeping a close eye on us.
I am both unbeliever and believer.
This post is written with high strung emotions barely kept in check, so please forgive me if I have hurt someone with my words.